My purpose in writing the text is ... showing the relevance of the the me of he story in taht specific context.
I use this type of introduction: (ex. question) an interesting fact
This is a suggestion for improving the introduction or having a more effective one: Be more specific and less general.
In paragraph 1, the thesis statement or the main idea of the text.is ..." The theme of love will be a relevant theme throughout history because people will always feel concerned when it comes down to love stories. "
This is a suggestion for improving the thesis statement or having a more effective one: the thesis statement is ok but it doesn't particularly has to do with "Old Habits Die Hard". To be improved, the thesis satement should concern the relevance of love in the context of the story.
The topic sentence in -
paragragh 2 is ... "First of all, love is a relevant theme because it touches people of all ages."
paragragh 3 is ... "Secondly, love is timeless and that makes it a relevant theme even today, because people still feel concerned when it comes to love stories."
paragraph 4 is ... "Also, love is a feeling that we attach to something strong and beautiful."
The supporting points (paraphrased) I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... Even though the characters of the story are old, we can still feel the love the woman is givieng ger husband by all her everyday actions, and understand whats she is going through. And also the fact that younger readers can also understand love expressed in different situations
paragragh 3 are ... Although love has been explained in alot of ways, it's still present in our everyday life, and that's why we like the theme of love in art.
paragraph 4 are ...
I can add more detail in -
paragragh 2 ... by giving examples and quotes of the story where it showes that love is a universal subject
paragragh 3 ... by linking my idea to the story .
paragraph 4 ...by giving examples of what does love in the story teachesus and what lesson there is to be learn in that particular story.
The transitional words or phrases I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... First of all, for example , even though, moreover.
paragragh 3 are ... Secondly, of course.
paragraph 4 are ... Also.
The coordinating or subordinating expressions I use in -
paragragh 2 are ... Because.
paragragh 3 are ... Because, in order to.
paragraph 4 are ...Because.
Here is my suggestion for improving the conclusion: rephrase my main point and be talk more about things in the story.
I could improve the content of the text by ... Giving examples, quotes, supporting point linked to the relevance of the particular situation explained in the story.
I could improve the organization of the text by ... Being more coherent and using more coordination and subordination
I could improve the development of the text by ... Supporting my ideas with more point and examples, that way, my points would get accross easily.
I could improve the sentence style of the text by..
varying the kind of senteces i use,
I could improve the vocabulary by ... (give five examples) varying the words I use, use more transitionnal words, and use a more specific vocabulary that applies more to the subject.
I could improve the grammar by ... (give five examples) There are alot of aspects I could improve, but in grammar I got 10 on 10 and i did not find any grammar mistakes in my text. But I could make sure my sentences are not too long nd redundant.
I could improve the spelling by ... (give three-five examples) Varying the pronuns I use and making sure the words are spelled the right way.
What I liked most about my first text is... the universality of the point that I brought up, and the fact I talked about the relevance of love in society today.
What I liked least about my first text is... that I didn't really give quotes from the story and my supporting points were weak because they weren't really linked to story itself .
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